9 words that changed my life by Jon @ SCL

I read this blog entry today and I wanted to share it with you. What an encouragement to us, we have such a great God and we can't even begin to understand the tip of him and all that is in him. 9 words that changed my life. Dec 19th by Jon Sometimes, hope hurts. It shouldn’t. The phrase, “hope hurts” should be an oxymoron like “Lady Gaga gospel album.” But I promise you, it’s not. Sometimes when you’re so deep in a season of hurt, you get used to the bad. You start to think you deserve it. You start to expect it and get comfortable with it and get numb to it. And like a creature that lives so far down on the bottom of the sea, you adapt to it. You cobble together little survival mechanisms that help you get through. You get by. But hope is tenacious … Even in the darkest of my days, when I’d journal about suicide and despair, a fragment of hope still bounced about softly in the dryer of my head. (When you’re married with kids and have lots of laundry to do, 42% of your metaphors and analogies become housework flavored.) There was a problem though, there was a painful obstacle between me and hope. You see, I was so far down the path of hopelessness, I was so lost and selfish and bent on destruction that I found myself in a terrible lose-lose situation. For example: If my wife was kind to me, I felt hurt because she didn’t know how hurtful I was secretly being to her with porn and a cadre of lies that would have killed her. If my wife was mean to me, I felt hurt because she had been mean to me. Any way I turned, simply resulted in more grossness. And that is one of sin’s goals. Not simply to remove the good from your life, but to have it actually serve as a weapon of mass destruction. Have you ever felt that way? Have you ever felt completely unworthy when someone offers you love? Have you ever been ashamed of the lies you’re living when someone offers you truth? Have you ever felt undeserving of something good, because deep down, you believed that person wouldn’t really love you if they knew who you were? It’s very possible that I’m the only one, and that’s OK. But I do need to tell you about the 9 words in the Bible that changed the way hope felt for me. I’ve written about this before, but I’m a big fan of “edge verses.” I’m a big fan of looking on the periphery of a scene in the Bible and seeing all the deep truth that often gets hidden amidst a major scene. And in Luke 22 that certainly happens. Jesus is on the threshold of getting crucified. He has the last supper with his disciples. He is sharing his thoughts on the father and the concept of serving and ruling. There is a sense of great importance heavy in the air. In the middle of that, he has a short conversation with Simon about how he is going to betray him. It’s going to happen. Jesus knows this, but he wishes it wasn’t. He says to Simon in Luke 22:31-32: Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And then, in 9 words, he explains a big part of the reason I thought a mess-up like me could be a Christian. Jesus tells Simon: “And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” That’s it, those are 9 really simple words, but they demand a second look. Do you see what Jesus is saying in that first half of the sentence, And when you have turned back? He’s saying: And when you fail. And when you sin. And when you blow it and sell me out like a common thief. And when you literally and physically turn your back on me. And when you ruin it all. When you turn back. That concept is part of why our God is so different than everything we expect. We can turn back. There’s a return. There’s a comeback. There’s a loss and a brokenness and a state of falling, but you can turn back. That door is open. When I read the phrase “And when you have turned back,” I read a loud, wild picture of what grace really looks like. Then you get to the part that is so easy to miss, the comma. Thank God for the comma, because that’s not how I would have written that sentence. Mine would have looked more like: “And when you have turned back, repent for three years before you try to get within a mile of my holiness.” “And when you have turned back, don’t think for a second you’re qualified to tell other people about me.” “And when you have turned back, here’s a long list of works you’ll need to do in order to clean yourself of the mistakes you’ve made and the consequences you’ve earned.” But Christ doesn’t do that! He throws in a comma. He continues the sentence and simply says, “strengthen your brothers.” Four years ago I ruined my life, but you know what? God gave me the gift of the comma. And that’s why I write Stuff Christians Like. I have turned back. Not once, not twice, but a million times. And now it’s time to strengthen my brothers. I don’t know what you’ll get this Christmas for a present, but please know this, God wants to give you the comma. He wants to give you grace. He wants you to know that when you have turned back, you can still strengthen your brothers. It’s time to accept the comma of grace.

New Doggie

Well christmas came a bit early in our house this year. A neighbor friend came over last night and told me she had picked up two wonderful dachshunds and wanted to know if we wanted them. She has one and our boys love her little Sparky. So of course she thought of us when she knew she couldn't keep them. So I thought it over and brought it up to Shawn thinking he most likely would say no. But he was so excited and even wanted to take both of them. So last night after supper we went and looked at them. We imediatly feel in love with both of them. We could only take one sadly, because someone else wanted the other. So we brought her home and had all of the boys sit down and told them that we had an early gift for them. When Shawn let her walk in the boys were like "Look a dog" but really didn't get that it was our dog. So we said that this was their gift and they were so excited. She is little and 5 years old, but so great around the boys. But I must say she already is a mama's girl. She last night and currently is on my lap all curled up and sleeping. Shawn laughed and said that it's because she is the only other girl here. We are so excited that we were able to get her for our family and the boys can grow up with a doggie all their own. My boys miss Mr. Echo so much, as do I, so it is nice now to have a dog at home again. We have named her Nugget for now, the boys really wanted Phines, Ferb or Candance (couldn't do the first two because they are boy names, and not to keen on Candance for a dog). So nugget it is for now.

Blessed to be used

A couple of weeks ago I recieved a call I have waited and prayed for, for more than 10 years. In high school the Lord brought a person into my life that dug so deeply into my heart and I instantly cared for and wanted nothing more than for him to know the Lord and to be freed from his life of sin and despair. I am sure we all have this type of person enter our lives at one point or another or even now. I prayed for this boy, loved him deeply, shared all that I could with him about my Lord and having a relationship with him, and never stopped, from the day I met him until this very day I still pray for him. This boy never listened or so I thought to all I had to say, about salvation and freedom in Christ. But I never stopped, never gave up, even when I had to distance myself from him because of the bad decisions he was making, I still prayed still asked the Lord to reach him some how. The last day I saw him, I knew could actually be the very last time I ever saw him again if things in his life didn't change, I thought he would end up dead somewhere or really strung up on drugs, and not able to get out or in jail for the rest of his life. But I still prayed, still was faithful in asking something or someone to interced on his life, stop him before it was too late. And what a great God we have that does answer prayers even ones that seem impossible because of sin that is so powerful in our lives. But our God is so greater than all of that. This young man hit a wall, and had to move to a different state but the Lord continued to bring more people into his life to show him the love of our great and powerful Lord. Then the day finally came the day I had waited for and prayed for. The day this boy became a man of God. That happened 8 years ago, but I did not find out until just a few weeks ago, when after so long we were able to get in touch with one another, and he shared with me his love and life with Christ and thanked me for the part I played in his life of showing him Christ in everything I did and said. I say it was a small part but if you ask him it was so mighty in his life, I am just so blessed and greatful that the Lord decided to use me in any way to reach this man. Tears came to my eyes, I couldn't breath. What a glorious day! It encourages me to keep praying for those others in my life that I know need the Lord so much, no matter how many years pass, or how many miles seperate us from those people, prayer is powerful and God will work. Keep sharing the Lord, live it out in your life in everyway, you may change a life.

Obsessed with the Lord

I was reminded of such a great song this morning. My cousin wrote the words of one of my most favorite songs in her facebook status. So I went back and read the words and really listed to the song. And I realized that the Lord is not always my one passion in my life, he is not my obsession. My life gets so busy being a wife and mom and puting my husband and children above everything and teaching them and showing them how to be a godly person, but in doing that my true passion and love for the Lord goes on the back burner. He is still a vidal part of my life and I couldn't do anything without him. But I know I need HIM to be my ambition for my life not being the best wife, mom friend, sister, etc. I need to be obsessed with him. I need everyday to fall madly in love with him and follow after him hard and fast. I want this more than anything else in my life but it is the thing that is most easly lost in my life. I know when I do this, everything else will fall into place, I want him to be my ambition, nothing less then having tunnel vision in following after him where he leads me to go. Be passionately in love with your Lord, run after him, make him your one and only obsession. Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after You Give me one pure and holy passion Give me on magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after You To know and follow hard after you To grow as your dicsiple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you, my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Give me one pure and holy passion Give me one magnificent obsession Give me one glorious ambition for my life To know and follow hard after you To know and follow hard after you To grow as your disciple in the truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lord to know and follow hard after you And to grow as your disciple in your truth This world is empty, pale, and poor Compared to knowing you my Lord Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you Lead me on and I will run after you

Satan's Lies

Man are satan's lies so powerful in our lives. I really have been stuggling with this for the last few days. He will creep in and he knows where all of our weaknesses are and plant those little lies in our hearts. It is such a struggle for me to hold on to the truth of our Lord sometimes. I am a pretty powerful outspoken woman as you all know. But seeds of doubt and false hood make me crumble into a scard little girl. I shut down, I don't talk, I cry all of the time. I go back to that person, who has been hurt so many times so deeply that I can't be vanualble any more I don't want to feel anything and I can't feel anything for anyone else. It is so easy to fall back into that when we are not resting in our Lord or we begin to listen to the things satan is telling us. I have felt and heard satan plant so many seeds of doubt and lies in my heart these last few days. I have shut down, not talking to Shawn and crying every minute of everyday because that aching part of my heart is back the part that I have lived with so long, that still very tender part of my heart. But I know the Truth of my Lord and I know that satan is the father of all lies and I am choosing to not listen to him. My Lord is stronger, satan does not win, he can not take control of my heart. I will not let him. This morning I was crying out to my Lord for help, to hear his voice to know his truth. I love how he listens and calms our hearts and gives us what we need in our time of trouble. His word is so poweful and so comforting. I read some psalms this morning they were such a blessing to me. Ps. 27, Ps. 28:8,10-11, Ps. 30:2-5. And such a powerful song to me lately is the one below. He is stronger, don't listen to satan, rise up, know who you are to your Lord, his promises. He is our God and he is mighty! http://www.praisecharts.com/live/articles/512/1/Hillsong--Stronger-This-Is-Our-God/Page1.html

First Day of School

It's back to school time. In our house it comes with nervousness and excitement. Even more this year with our new family and new school. But all of the my boys did so well. Everyone woke up on time, got dressed and talked endlessly about what it would be like today and what was in their backpacks and what kind of special lunch did I pack them. What a fun day. It did have a few hiccups, like where in the world are we supposed to catch the bus and when and where does it drop my children off at (all of the info was not given to us so I wondered around like a lost mom trying to get my boys)? But at the end of the day the boys all came home excited and full of stories for the first day. I am so thankful for the great teachers that all of the boys have and I am so excited to see them grow and learn this year. Bring on the memeories of school time, teachers, friends, field trips, class work, computer class, music and gym. :)

My John

I am so blessed and amazed to see how far my John has come these last three years, he is singing every veggie tales song that there is and it brings tears to my eyes and joy to my heart to see where he is and where he has come from. I think back to all of those long days and nights when he would just cry and scream and I couldn't figure out what he wanted and wondered if he would ever say any words at all, and longed to hear him call me mommy. He works so hard everyday just to do "normal" things that we all find so easy and I am so proud of him. And then I am amazed to watch him do the things that come so easily to him and are so hard from the rest of us, like memorizing. I love how he tries so many new things, even though they may make him really uncomfortable. He loves to just live life, and is beyond active, so I have to kept up with him but he loves to experience all that he can. Whether it is a museum, putt putt golf, bowling, and even some new foods he goes right after it, and loves it. I love how he doesn't ever hold anything back, when he sings, hugs you, kisses you, talks, everything he does is more than 100%. And he has so many great ambitions right now but the most important one is being a cook. What an amazing little man he is! His teacher recently gave me a list of the top 10 positive things about having a child with Autism and I wanted to share it all with you. 1. My child never lies or deceives. He is truthful and honest. His words are genuine-always. 2. You will have opportunities to meet people that you never would have met if your child hadn't been diagnosed. Amazing friendships and relationships can be formed around a common bond. 3. My child follows the rules and wants to do what is right. He aims to please. 4. My child's heart knows and feels true happiness. 5. My child's hugs are 100% real and such and honor to receive. 6. My child gets to be innocent and enjoy his childhood a little longer than others. 7. My child doesn't understand sarcasm. 8. My child lives in today. Yesterday is gone, tomorrow's not here yet. 9. My child's laugh and smile show his pure heart. He has no facades or hidden agendas. 10. My child teaches me daily to do all of these things again: laugh, play, pretend, listen, be honest and never lie. He teaches me to follow my inner voice and feel with my heart. I am so thankful for my little boy. I know it takes a lot of work to be his mom and most days I fail miserably, but there is nothing in this world more than I would want to be than his mom. I don't know why our Lord does what he does or gives us the children he gives us, but I do know that he knows what he is doing even if we don't. And I am content to rest in my Jesus and allow him to lead me and give me strength to fulfill his work in being a mom.

There will be a day

Have you heard that great song my Jeremy Camp? I love this song!! I can't wait for that day, when we are in heaven and there is no more pain, tears, fears, hurt, all the things that this life gives us. I know I have thought about this so much recently with all that has gone on in my life and all that I see in this world. In my past marriage, and with John and our every day struggles with him, with my sister and her dear son Jon and all that she does for him every minute of everyday. What a blessed day it will be when we enter into the presence of Jesus, see him and are made whole, completely whole. But until that time we just hold on to our Lord and hold to that promise that there will be a day when all of this is gone, and we are at rest in the presence our of King.

God's blessings

My life has been filled wich such sadness for such a long time now. I know each day God is healing me and bringing me where he wants me and in all of this sadness and crazyness he has blessed me beyound anything I could have ever imagined. Without me even speaking he knows what I am needing and has provided it for me. My God is so awesome and I am in total wondermeant of him. He has brought me a true friend and now future partner in life. I am engaged to a wonderful man and I couldn't be happier. We've built our relationship over the past few months and can't wait to see where God takes us from here. Thank you to all who have been praying and crying with me on this journey and that will continue to do so as I keep walking this road. I couldn't have come this far with out any of you. I know I still have a ways to go and I know that God has brought me Shawn to go that distance with me willingly and lovingly along with all of you. We are planning on a May wedding. And can you believe it, we will have 6 boys in total, ages 6, 5, 4, 4, 2 and 1. What a crazy, fun household we will have.

I know it has been awhile since I last wrote and I am very sorry. Things have taken off here in Colorado, and like I mentioned before life is crazy. Well the boys are all settled in school. John is doing so great, and everyone just loves him. My favorite part about this school is that everyday they send home a note book and the teacher writes notes in it about the day and then I can write back. It is such a great window into his everyday life at school. He is even in regular ed. for part of the day, doing work even spelling tests, which he is very good at. And he is reading which is so great. It really is such a blessing to see how far my John has come in a few years, tough years, but worth every minute and I can't wait to see where we go from here. James is doing great and loving school, he misses Annie's class so much and his friends there. Jordan is great, he is getting OT and Speech once a week here at home and is doing great, he is making a lot more sounds, so we are such trying to get some words out of his little mouth. The screaming and crying is getting worse so the I ask the Lord everyday for my strength and patience as I deal with him. This was the time with John that was the hardest and I am remember just how hard it was as I am doing it all over again. I am trying to get all of my Medicaid stuff done so that I can get Jordan to a doctor to see about tubes in his ears and hopefully that will help some. But prayer for him and I that we can work together and that the Lord work in me to be the best mom even in this trying time. I am doing well, resting in my Lord everyday. And some days are harder than others, but deep in my heart I am well. A true peace has settled over me and I am constantly reminded of Phil. 4:6. I am always anxious about everything, but my Lord is telling me not to be, he will take care of everything, I just need to tell him what is going on in my heart and even when I can't find the words, he still knows and he will still hold me and answer me. I am also reminded that our God is a just God so nothing slips past him, the way I have been hurt and the anger and sadness I feel over that, God has not looked past or forgotten, those things will be dealt with between that person and God. I sometimes feel like secret sins are not remembered in God's eyes because no person can see them, so how will those things be dealt with? And others only see the visible things and judge upon that, so how are others looking at me and thinking of me? But I know my God sees all and he knows my heart is pure and righteous and the things that I needed to change in me are changing everyday to become more like him and whatever God needs to do in Gabe's life, God will do in his timing between him and Gabe. And I have learned a lot about mercy and compassion in my time of hurt and anger. I have control over me and my reaction to things and how I treat Gabe and I have chosen to love, forgive, be merciful and have great compassion for a man who has hurt me deeper than I ever thought possible. And that alone has brought more healing and peace than I ever thought possible and I know that is because Jesus is working in me every day to be his women, his child no matter what my outward circumstances are. Thank you everyone for your constant prayers for us.